His 'n' Hers (song)

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Details

Credits

Lyrics

I've got the time
and you've got the space
I'm wanna wipe you down
and lick the smile off your face
The smile off your face
Though we know that it's wrong:
towel sets, matching combs
Oh it looks so good but does it turn you on?

Oh, I want you now
And I want you here
Lie down by the fire
and if the neighbours hear
the neighbours hear
'cos they don't understand
what you've got in your hand
Oh it looks so good but does it turn you on?
Yeah!

Are we going to do it again?
Sideways
I was stood in the queue then you came
Delivered me from his 'n' hers
You pulled the units down
Delivered me from his 'n' hers
And when I saw his face
Oh it made me feel better

Oh, gone too far
You gave up hope
And the future's bleak
It's just a soap on a rope
A soap on a rope
Put the rope around his neck
Pull it tight
He's erect
And it looks so good but does it turn you on?
Yeah!

Are we going to do it again?
Shove it in sideways
I was stood in the queue then you came
Delivered me from his 'n' hers
You pulled the units down
Delivered me from his 'n' hers
And when I saw his face
Oh it made me feel better

So we were laid in bed afterwards
and she asked me
what made me frightened
and I said:
"I'm frightened of Belgian chocolates
I'm frightened of pot pourri
I'm frightened of James Dean posters
I'm frightened of 26" screens
I'm frightened of remote control
I'm frightened of endowment plans
I'm frightened of figurines
I'm frightened of evenings
in the Brincliffe Oaks
searching...
for a...
conversation
Oh!"

"Oh, you're stupid", she said
And she took my hand
and she took my hand and she said:
"I want...
I want you...
I want you to...
I want you to touch...
I want you to touch me
I want you to touch me
I want you to
Oh!!"

Are we going to do it again?
Shove it in sideways
I was stood in the queue then you came
Delivered me from his 'n' hers
You pulled the units down
Delivered me from his 'n' hers
And when I saw his face
It made me feel better

Live variations

During live versions of the song, Jarvis frequently ad libbed the part where he listed things he's frightened of.
Below are a few examples.

Keele University in October '94:

Maybe you can tell me... can you tell me what people in Keele are fightened of? Apart from getting crushed against that wall there
What are you frightened of?
Girl in audience: Pardon?
Jarvis: I want to know what you're frightened of
Girl: Dogs
Jarvis: What? Sorry
Girl: Dogs!
Jarvis: Dogs. It's not a very well known fact... you've probably seen a lot of nature programmes, yeah? And in these nature programmes they make out that man was descended from the ape. And at one time we were all walking round like this, yeah? We evolved to stand upright. We evolved to stand upright and drive cars. And err... support football teams. But recent research... recent research has proved that man is not descended from the ape as had previously been believed, but man is actually descended from dogs. [...] This will explain a lot of behaviour you get to see at nightclubs and discos. Yeah, like a dog sniffs a lamp post...

Butt Naked on Channel 4 (May '94):

Jarvis: And what makes you frightened?
Guy in audience: Early evening television
Jarvis: I know what you're saying
How about you what makes you frightened?
Girl in audience: What makes me what? [...] Err, wasps
Jarvis: Sorry?
Girl: Wasps
Jarvis: Wasps. Well, yeah, because they just sting people for no reason at all. If a bee stings you, it's got a reason, because it has a pay with its life, whereas wasps can just sting people for no reason at all, as many times as they want. And there are some people like that as well; in fact some people even enjoy stinging you as many times as they can. Anyway I'm getting away from the subject.

And he went off on this bizarre tangent at L'Escall, Nantes in May 1994:

Shit! Shit I recognise that guy, right? I saw him about 10 years ago at a bus station. He was waiting for a 261 over down towards Eckington. And he was eating a bag of chips and there was all this grease going down his chin and it was kind of getting mixed up with bits of his beard. And he was wearing a kind of Pacamac kind of affair. Oh yeah, it's funny, yeah alright, but listen he's a dirty bastard...
And then he wrapped me up in clingfilm and put some kind of white paper round me and said it looked really strong, really strong and really interesting. When in actual point of fact I looked an absolute knobhead, right. And I was unable to go out of the house for two years afterwards because people in the district where I lived took those kind of things very seriously.

Anyway, I'm digressing...

We were laid in bed afterwards and she ask me what frightened me
I said: 'That's quite a personal question'
She said: 'I know'
I said: 'Okay, I don't mind you asking me then'

Sleeve notes

"His 'n' Hers" is one man's fear of domestic interiors set to music.

What are you frightened of ?
(And remember - shove it in sideways)

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Page last modified on October 02, 2009, at 10:30 PM