I promise not to rip you off. And I promise not to sell you out. I will never smoke all your stash if I happen to find it whilst tidying up. Which, let's face it, isn't likely. Well, we would always leave you at least a joint's worth, anyway. And I will never eat the last bit of cereal, and then put the empty packet back, hoping you won't notice, or if I do, I'll pay for the next lot, I promise, 'cos I know that really gets on your nerves. And I will never sleep with any of your friends - well, not your best friends.
I don't know just what I'm meant to do
I don't want to make it wrong for you
How can we escape what's happened to
all those others who've gone before us two?
Baby, we have lived together
now we'll do it all forever
Hold my hand, don't ever let it go
Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go
And how do we avoid being like all those other cheese-masters? Demonstrating the facilities of their new car and the trouser press. From hunter-gatherer to washer-dryer is a long, strange trip.
And what if our kids turn into pudgy blobs, wearing Union Jack underpants, addicted to coffee whitener? Bloated caricatures of something vaguely recognisable as a human being. A human being that you once loved.
I don't know just what I'm meant to do
I don't want to make it wrong for you
How can we escape what's happened to
all those others who've gone before us two?
Baby, we have lived together
now we'll do it all forever
Hold my hand, don't ever let it go
Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go
So this is it: we're walking down the aisle, the dawning of a new era. Is this the start of a new airbrushed Disney-life or some 36-part depressing-as-hell Northern drama to be repeated every night for the rest of our lives?
Oh and now I'm frightened. Oh yeah, I'm shitting Barratt houses here. Is this the right thing? And then suddenly I'm turning to look at your face and I'm saying: "I do", "I do", "I do"
I don't know just what I'm meant to do
I don't want to make it wrong for you
How can we escape what's happened to
all those others who've gone before us two?
Baby, we have lived together
now we'll do it all forever
Hold my hand, don't ever let it go
Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go
I do
An attempt to imagine a new set of wedding vows more suited to the modern age. I am audibly inebriated on this recording which is probably because I was engaged at the time. The marriage never took place. The second appearance of the "Pudgy blobs wearing Union-Jack underpants" who were finally to surface in "Wickerman" on 2001's "We Love Life". (The first was in "Catcliffe Shakedown", available on the expanded version of "Different Class").