Hi there. Glad you could make it. Alex & Doug speaking to you from pulp mission control here. Guess what? Pulp People have leapt into the twentieth century and bought a compu­ter! Those of you who have joined this year probably assumed that pulp towers is a pretty hi-tech affair... how very very wrong you are. Since the success of Common People we've been inundated with new members; so, we took the plunge, and inefficiency will no longer reign supreme.

An apology must go out to those of you who had to wait awhile for your membership package. We ran out of Scrapbooks and Disco Very's, and had to wait for our printer to deliver some more - however, he was busy becoming a father again, and had other priorities, so please forgive us. Sometimes Pulp People have to take a back seat. Quite often, actually, it depends what's on tv.

Right, that's got that out of the way. Lots of hot news, fantastic illustrations, competitions, reviews, the usual kind of tat. Thanks this time go to Glen at Rough Trade, Dominique Hoffman (for being the most generous pulp person ever!), and Nick & Karen next door for helping out.

Free gift time!

An all new unique-to-Pulp-People badge! Hope you like it, it took ages to design (hard to imagine, but it did). Lurking in the pipeline is volume two of the Pulp scrapbook. There are several things holding up it's completion (Zoe), but if any of you have any obscure cuttings dating from 1992 to the present day, please send us copies for inclusion. We may well have to compile a UK-only issue, since an attempt to cover all the European publicity would result in something the size of the New Testament. I'm not saying it'll be the next free gift, we never make promises we can't possibly keep ... but it'll be along eventually.

Just a brief word about the tour, which seems ages ago already; some 87,000 people checked out the Denim / Edwyn / Pulp experience, tickets for which sold out ridiculously quickly - just before the start of the tour, agencies in London were reported as offering tickets for up to £75. Fans flew in from Japan, only to find that the concerts were sold out (Well honestly, would you fly to Japan before checking up on free tickets?? I think not) (It's ok though, we let them in).

As we go to print, sales for Something Changed, which entered the charts at number 10, are 101,916 and rising. And whilst I've got my statistical hat on, sales for Different Class now stand at 922,862. Cool.

Pulp suffered degradation and upset in a piss poor showing in the annual Brits / Brats music press back slapping nights, but made up for it by doing fantastically well in the even more prestigous MCB Readers Poll, Hong Kong (eh? ?- Awards Ed), running away with Coolest Band, Best Album, Sleeve Design, Top Sex Symbol (Nick) (oh, alright, Jarvis), Best Album, Best Band, and Best Single.

Jarvis is to be immortalised in wax thanks to the Rock Circus, London. We're hoping to get a duplicate made for the Pulp office, or even to give away as a prize, who knows. Mind you, they cost £25,000 so we may have to up the membership costs a bit. The Italian club have got in first though, naming a Friday night disco at a club in Bologna "Jarvofloor", apparently playing the best in Britpop (urgh)... and, as stardom reaches even more preposterous levels, Jarvis was voted third by Independant readers as the man they would like to see as the first President of Great Britain. God help us.

Finally, we here at Pulp HQ would like to give others a chance at mega-stardom by naming our Tips For The Top for 1996: Baby Birkin and The Electric Sound of Joy. Remember, kids, you read it here first.

Thanks to everyone who sent in pictures, we can't print them all but please keep them coming, they're great. In this issues' "Gallery", we have work by: [list of names]; And two more i've lost the names for!

What's going down with PULP until August.

April
3 Top of the Pops
4 Drummer Nick gets wed!
5 Fly to America for The David Letterman Show

May
Sees the group taking a well deserved holiday

June
15 Sweden, Hultsfred Festival
17 Berlin, Huxleys
18 Germany, Hannover, Capitol
20 Germany, Neu-lsenburg, Hugenottenhalle
22 Czech Republic, Prague Festival
24 Germany, Munich, Live aus dem Alabama
25 Germany, Bonn, Biskuithalle
27 German, Munster, Joval
28 Denmark, Roskilde Festival
30 Finland, Turku Festival

July
2 Iceland,Reykjavik, Laugardalsholl
4 Norway, Quart Festival
6 Belgium, Torhout Festival
7 Belgium, Werchter Festival
8 France, Paris, Olympia
11 Shetland Islands, Clickimin Centre
13 Ireland, Feile Festival, The Point
14 Scotland, T in the Park

August
17 Chelmsford
18 Warrington
These two special Pulp Performances were meant to be secret but those bastards at the NME leaked it out; Support bands confirmed so far are Supergrass and Cast, more info next newsletter.

Pulp in Print: We review two new Pulp biographies

'New' Pulp Record: Countdown 1992 -1983

This compilation has been put together (in about 10 minutes) by the world famous Nectar Masters label. Why? I can't imagine. Can't tell you how they got permission from Fire either but I suspect seedy goings on myself. All I can do is echo Jarvis' statement in Melody Maker: "I would urge anybody not to buy it. Please, I find it embarrasing to be honest. And also the way it's packaged to look a bit modern, a bit like our sleeves look now. It's a crap version... I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. And Fire records never did us any favours when we were on their label. Being signed to that label was the single biggest thing that prevented us succeeding. It almost made us split up." It's frustrating, because the CD does contain 3 of the greatest Pulp songs of all time (also 2 of the hardest to get 12"s) - Countdown / Death Goes To The Disco, and My Legendary Girlfriend. It's just a big fat cash in.

HOTSHOTS: PULP FACTS 100% UNOFFICIAL

Caught sight of this in HMV a while ago and was absolutely horrified. £2.50... Couldn't bring myself to buy a copy so held out for free one. Page after page of photos and pull out posters of Jarvis. You can order your "trendy gear" - Oasis mechandise is also for sale, bizarrely. The discography is an edited down version of any "complete collection". There's an advert at the back for - hey! - an equivalent Oasis magazine, followed by a quite frightening ad for "Screen Babes", which is apparently "Babe Heaven", and "You won't want to miss it!". Actually I think I will want to miss it, thanks. This is a magazine version of those other two rags we recieved; really ghastly.

Pulp Lonely Hearts

After last issue's lonely hearts section we've been inundated with requests for ads. (Well three) Go on, make them happy and write to...

☹ Baptiste is a "Lonely Planet Boy who seeks Lonely Planet Girl", Make his day by writing to: Baptiste [...]

☹ Lisa is looking for her knight in shining armour who she met last October before the Pulp Shepherds Bush Empire gig. His name is Rupert and he looked after her when she was ill during the concert. She says that he is a 'Sean Hughes lookalike' and would love for him to get in contact with her again. [...]

☹ The next lonely heart also fell in love at a Pulp gig, this time in Newcastle on 26th February. Her name is Lindsay [...]. Over to you Lindsey... "Well, when I was there I met this bloke and because I couldn't see the band that well because I'm fairly small, he picked me up so I could see. But far from falling in love we unfortunately got split up due to all the pushing and shoving. He's anything from about 5'9" to 6'0", wore a red top and jeans, he had fairly short blonde hair and glasses". She describes herself as about 5'2", dark blonde hair, wear­ing a black vest, jeans and a cardigan. [...]

☹ Good time girl Zoe [...] can't find any girlfriends with the same interests: "Married, sometimes separated (!) Straight girl, 24, likes silver daisies, satin, chocolate, tea, alice bands, good music, mascara and alcohol. Seeks friends for going out, whatever. Contact Zoe at [...].

☺ Some great news - conclusive proof that the Pulp People Dating Division actually works. Gorgeous Annette [...], who put an advert in the last issue, managed to meet her beau Oliver and is getting married!! Hope our invite is in the post Annette.

Herr Doktor Pulp

He's back and he's waiting to an­swer your questions...

• Ruth wants to know who is the guy in the Misshapes video in the toilets wearing purple checked trou­sers?
That particular unfortunate young man is the singer in the ill-fated 'Romo' outfit Orlando.

• Along the same kind of lines, Bob wants to know who the girl is standing with her back against the railings on the reverse of Candida's picture on the album insert.
We consulted Mark on this matter, whose response was as follows: "I dont know, but she's gorgeous and I'd love to meet her". We here at the surgery have an idea that she may have won a modelling competition... but we might be lying.

• Janet from Cheddar wants to find out if Jarvis has a favourite aftershave, and if Candida has a favourite perfume. And where oh where does little Mark get his silver nail varnish from?
Mark gets his nail varnish from Kensington Market, but since his recent rise to fame he is regularly given a variety of different beauty products by fans. Jarvis' favourite aftershave is 'Gucci' whilst Candi­da's favourite perfume is the more affordable 'Mango' by the body shop. And while we're compiling those Christmas present lists, Mark's favourite perfume is 'Givenchy', Steve's is 'Old Spice', Nick's is the subtle fragrance of 'Imperial Leather" and Russell, always the classiest by far, opts for 'Essence of Woodruff' whatever that is...

• Sadie from Southsea asks "Can someone please tell me, who is Miss Julie Jones (DD)?"
Regulary namechecked on the back of Pulp albums, Miss Julie Jones is a personal friend of Jarvis and has been defined as "Pulp stylist and inspiration".

• Claire from Norwich asks: Is the female voice on "It" that of Jarvis' sister Saskia?
Claire obviously hasn't bothered to read the sleevenotes because if she had she would know that girlie backing vocals were provided by Jill Taylor, Saskia Cocker, Joanne, Julie and Alison.

• The beautiful Azalee has a question for the doctor: How did Jarvis break his toe?
We've all heard tell of Jarvis' legendary broken toe incident, but the less glamourous truth is that, whilst walking around his flat barefoot a piece of wood fell from behind the washing machine as a result of the vibrations. It completely bent back his little toe but the painful pinkie was not broken at all, merely badly bruised.

• Mark from Wiltshire is wondering, was it Anne Dudley directing the orchestra for 'I-Spy' on Later...? (For the peasants among you who've never heard of Anne Dudley, she worked with The Art of Noise and Propaganda)
Yes Mark, you are absolutely right, and Anne was also conducting the 90-piece orchestra at the Brit awards.

• Dr. Pulp.could you please find out what is each member of the group's most treasured possession? This comes from Mark from Shrop­shire.
I questioned each member of the band personally on this one and this was their reply: Russell - Vanessa Mae CD (although this is vehe­mently denied); Nick - 1966 World Cup football squad signed football; Candida - Two expensive silk rugs; Mark - Collection of mis-printed or mis-cut postcards; Jarvis - Protime wristwatch which incorporates cigarette lighter; Steve refused to answer because he'd just got out of bed and "Didn't want to think about it".

• Samantha's mysterious query arises from her boyfriend's brother's memory of Pulp's first Sheffield performance - at the Leadmill on a Saturday afternoon; He says they played a version of Bruce Springsteen's "Darkness on the edge of town" and Jarvis was playing an electronic drum thing that went 'Boom-Boom' after the 'darkness' line, and that the bass-player fell off the stage. True, or mis-fact, Dr. P?
Amazingly enough Samantha, this is all true except for the 'Darkness' cover - though they did play "Stepping Stone" which ended prema­turely when the drummer forgot there was a pause in the middle and thought it was the end of the song. The concert took place on the 18th of August 1980 and also on the bill were Artery, Scarborough Antelopes, and the Flying Alfonso Brothers. Brilliant.

• Claire from Norfolk wants to know who's mouth it is at the start of the Mis-shapes video?
The mouth in question is none other than Jarvis Cocker in townie guise.

• Dylan from Stockport wants to know 'Just how long are Jarvis' fingers?'
We did not have a tape measure handy, but we estimate his thumb to be approximately 3 inches and middle finger approximately 4 inches.

• Dominique from Belfast puts a tricky one to the good doctor: "What would Jarvis and his acolytes do if presented with a Brit Award by Marti Pellow?"
In a first for Pulp People, Dr Pulp refused to reply, muttering only that the question "Was not approved by the doctor".

• Aaron is interested to know what were the group's fave album and singles of the last year?
We were only able to get hold of Russell and Mark, Mark's top LP was Cast's 'All Change', Single was 'Get wild' by The New Power Generation. Russell chose the first Bluetones single, the title of which evaded him, but which he managed to hum very tunefully down the phone. Equally vague about an album, he plumped for "The Radiohead one, I've never heard it but I'm told it's very good". Just for the record, as if anyone's going to be interested, top of the pulp people pops is (by miles) the new Yoko Ono album, along with Denim on Ice, How Deep is Your Love? by the late Take That, and everything ever by Edwyn.

• Lisa from Canada has a question: "PTA is such a lovely song but what on earth does Jarvo sing between 'Cause I've never had a woman before' and '...and I don't know what it's like to be young'?
Right Lisa, the missing lyric is 'I was too scared to touch the girls at the Poly'. Now you can sing along to the whole song.

COMPETITION TIME!!!

First, the winners of the competitions set in the last newsletter. We really were inundated with postcards, so I don't have to lie this time about the response. The answer to the 'Mark's Birthday' competition is of course, 14th September 1970. Everyone got it right but the 10 lucky winners who'll recieve signed calendars are: [list of names]. I know thats only 7 but i've lost the other postcards!

I've managed not to lose the postcards from the 10 lucky recipients of the Trainspotting CD, who all supplied me with correct answers - Irvine Welsh wrote Trainspotting, other books in­clude 'The Acid House', 'Marabou Stork Nightmares' (or, as Emily Vallez trans­lated it, "The Marabou Stork the Night­mares.") Winners are [10 names].

The luckiest winner of all, picked by the famous Tony, received the signed Pulp cartoon book based on the lyrics to 'Common People'. This was the lovely Valentina all the way from Italy. Jamie Hewlett was of course famous for creating 'Tank Girl'.

And so to this issue's competition. Since we were so generous in Pulp People#14, there's just the one competition this time. We've decided to make this one more interesting by leaving the answer up to your own sordid imaginations - there is no right or wrong...

What we want you to do is complete the following sentence in 20 words or less, we'll pick the ones that make us laugh the longest, and they will win a fantastic limited edition french CD of the Black Session as mentioned in the last newsletter; it contains the full length version of 'Common People', 'Whyskey In A Jar', and '59 Lyndhurst Road'. (I know it's 'Grove', but they're French). What a great prize. Here's the sentence : Pulp are my No. 1 band because..... Answers to us by the deadline for the next newsletter (Your guess is as good as mine).

VENT YOUR RAGE

We're not taking sides here at Pulp HQ but honestly - is this the face of a violent man? We think not. It's only fair to let both sides have their say about Pulp, so here is a selection of the less friendly mail we received over the last couple of months.... reproduced word for word.

Pulp Internet Site.
HTTP://www.rise.co.uk/pulp

The Pulp internet site mentioned in the last newsletter, was finally unveiled the other day. And as we'd supplied so much of their material we thought we'd give it a look. I was very surprised with what I saw to be honest, they've made a fine job. The site is a very pretty affair with a colourful menu screen and useful links to an illustrated discography, tour news, profiles and all sorts of trivia. Each band member has their own page, with a mini interview and throwaway facts such as inside leg measurements and fave colour. The only part of the site that is not fully operational is the picture gallery - it didn't have any pictures when I looked - I'm sure that'll fill up soon enough. Best site I've seen in ages.

PULP BOUTIQUE

Please list 1st and 2nd choices; p+p free in Europe but Rest of World please add £2/$3. Please make cheques out to PULP. No foreign cheques!

In this section of Pulp People we attempt to put you in touch with likeminded individuals.

Pen Pals

♣ Emily [...] is 16 years old and wants to write to persons whose favourite bands include Pulp, Gene and the Bluetones... Write to her at [...] Sheffield, S11 [...].

♣ 'Obsessive' Pulp Person Jennie [...] would like to write to people with passing interests in Blur, Supergrass, Menswear, Nirvana and Shampoo, contact her at [...], London SE25 [...].

♣ Claire is equally indiscriminating, willing to write to anyone and everyone, but especially people in the London area who she can meet for gigs and stuff. Send letters to: [...], Gillingham, Kent, ME7 [...].

♣ 17 year old Vicky says she needs to write to social outcasts who are as confused about life as she is. Well you've come to the right place. She wants people with alot to say but no-one to say it to. [...], Barnsley, S Yorks, S75 [...].

♣ Our next Penpal writes from Korea and would like to write to people in her own country and from all over the world. We're not actually sure if Neric's a girl or a boy (I'm going for boy - Korean ed.), but he/she's into Pulp, Menswear, Sleeper, Cardigans, Suede, Blur and Take That. He/She promises to answer everyone. It's: Neric, [...], Seoul, Korea.

♣ Aaron [...], Preston, Lancs, PR2 [...]. Please write if you like Pulp, Oasis, Supergrass, Menswear, Radiohead, Vic + Bob and the X-Files. Photo would be nice..

♣ Tim is 16; he'd love to hear from bi-sexual girls who love masturbation, St. Etienne, MSP and Taylor Parkes, though not necessarily in that order. Tim [...], Co. Kildare, Ireland. How much is that fare to Dublin???

♣ Penpal number three comes from lonely Lisa [...], who "would love to hear from anyone who loves listening to Pulp, Menswear, Cast and the Bluetones". Also she would like to hear from any fellow Jarvis fans. All letters will be answered, especially those signed by J. Cocker. She lives at [...], Nottingham, NG6 [...].

♣ Jenny [...] is gagging to write to Pulp People everywhere... ' I'm a common girl into Pulp, mods and all indie britpop music. I'm seeking Jarvis wannabies and anyone who belongs to a "Different Class". Letters to [...], Athens, Greece.

♣ Emmanouela [...] is looking for Jarvis lookalikes anywhere in the world. Also likes Blur, Supergrass, Menswe@r, Suede and the Bluetones. She's at [...], Athens, Greece.

♣ Girls and Boys wanting a Penpal should write to Vikki, [...], Warley, W. Mids, B68 [...]. She's not bothered who she writes to...

♣ Claire [...] is looking for even more penfriends, "Who won't tell me to shut up when I run on about Pulp, Sleeper, Oasis, (counts us out then) and who take a healthy interest in other members of the band. She's at [...], Norwich, NR7 [...].

♣ Richard [...] of [...], Faversham, Kent, ME13 [...]. Would just love to hear from any Pulpsters or Pulpettes who have a similar age in years to 32, but a mental age of 12. He's into (I can hardly bring myself to write this) REM, Oasis, Radiohead, Stolichnaya and Nirvana.

♣ Helen, 'would love to hear from anyone, anywhere (though preferably the London area), who loves and is obsessed with Jarvis and Russell and has any interesting photos of Pulp.' She's also into the Cardigans, Supergrass, Menswear, Gene, Lush, Blur etc. etc. but not half as much'. Write to: [...], Chichester, West Sussex.

Wants

✸ Careless Grandmother Peggy Hogan is desperate to get hold of a video of Pulp's performance at Reading 1994. It seems she is in big trouble, having recorded over her grand daughter's favorite bit of Pulp footage. Peggy's pretty distraught over the whole matter so someone, somewhere, please send her a copy. The address is: [...]. I'm sure she'll be happy to cover the cost of the tape.

✸ Sylvie [...] is offering to do copies of her collection of Pulp appearances on German T.V. (Harold Schmitt Show, and short interview on VIVA). So send swaps lists to Sylvie [...], Germany.

✸ Bass player Simon wants a guitarist, keyboard player and drummer to form a pop group... Influences - Pulp, Bowie, Blur, Beatles and Menswe@r. Simon, [...], Cardiff CF2 [...]. Since receiving his ad, we've heard that the band now has a cool name - The Rev-Olas - and this advert may no longer be relevant; we're not sure, so we left it in as he seems like a nice guy.

✸ Jessica [...] is looking for English Pulp fans who've got any kind of Pulp appearance on English television. She says 'Every single TV appearance will be really welcomed as I only own bits from MTV. Well she lives at: [...], Torino, Italy.

✸ Poor Rosemary. She missed the 'No Sleep 'til Sheffield' documentary at Christmas. She needs someone to send her a copy of the longer version that was shown late. [...], Maidstone, Kent, ME15 [...]... Also wants TOTP appearances to add to her collection.

✸ Pulp's appearance on 'Seans Show' is desperately wanted by Anna [...], W. Austrailia, [...]. Actually I'm missing this one too, so if anyone could do me one I'd be much obliged.

✸ Lovely Danielle Deacon is kindly offering copies of Pulp at Glastonbury last year on audio cassette... send a C60 or £2 to: [...], Leicester, LE9 [...].

✸ Steve [...], who lives at [...], Zaragoza, Spain, is trying to get hold of (we think) a copy of 'No Sleep 'til Sheffield' which he missed when he returned to Spain before Christmas. He's willing to cover the cost of a tape and postage.

Fanzines Fanzines Fanzines Fanzines Fanzines

You lot out there seem to be pretty keen on fanzines so here's our current crop.

✸ Top of the list has to be possibly the only bi-lingual Pulp publication available, yes it's issue 4 of Tournico...Pulp, 20FF/£2.50/150BF. It's choc full of bizarre interviews, reviews and photographs. Available from those lovely girls at [...] Boussay, France.

✸ Next up is a rag sent to us from Xana and Anna, The Indie Pendent boasts an interview with Candida, along with your usual mix of "indie" gig reviews and witty observations. It's 50p from [...], Cookham, Berkshire, SI6 [...].

✸ Fresh from the States we have issue one of Synthetic Fluff: Pulp and other unexplained British phenomena. The unexplained phenomena, (inexplicable to us, certainly), would appear to consist of Oasis, Sleeper and Menswear. Loads of Pulp stuff though, which is always good. Send an IRC and an A4 envelope to: Becky [...], Sylmar, CA [...], USA.

✸ Jason [...] has produced possibly not the most vital piece of literature ever in Everything you ever wanted to know about Jarvis, but were afraid to ask... He's charging £2 for this one, available from [...], Moseley, Birmingham, B13 [...]. It's actually quite interesting with old(ish) pictures, quotes and trivia about your favourite popstar.

✸ Yet another edition of Jammy Jezzabelle fell on our mat; it features as usual live reviews and a bizarre Pulp cartoon. Send an A5 sae to Lisa, [...], Feltham, Middx, TW14 [...].

✸ Now Jarvzine is a Liverpool based photocopied tribute to some two bit "popstar". It appears to cost £1 so send your cash to; Laura, [...], Wallasey, Wirral, L45 [...].

✸ Finally issue 5 of Harry Pye's Frank which gets the prize for best front cover this month, featuring as it does a fantastic picture of our favourite soap star Frank Butcher. Harry's alright so send an A5 sae to [...], London SE12 [...].